Beyond the Seas
By Lyn Lumanlan-Elloso

A mother’s love for a new-born baby is like that of a lioness to a cub—the protective instinct is a kernel of truth that we all cannot deny. Call it love hormone or what science calls oxytocin that is released by the brain to all aspects of childbirth and human behaviour. Mine probably never expired as my child grew older—he was an extension of myself although my husband calls it “hovering”.

I don’t know about other moms out there, but I savoured my son’s childhood until adulthood. I decided to take a back seat from my career and made sure that I am there for him every day.

It was easy raising him, there was never any doubt that he is a good human being. Oftentimes my silence meant I was upset. I am surprised myself that being a feisty woman, I keep my mouth closed, to stop uttering hurtful comments issuing from my lips. But my husband and I did well, I guess. We cannot take the full credit though, our faith in God almighty has given us the skills to raise a God-fearing boy. As parents, our role is to impart knowledge of godly, righteous living to our children—a gentle discipline, showing integrity, seriousness, and soundness of speech.

My son has finally graduated and earned a degree. This meant I needed to loosen the grip and let him taste the freedom. There were still wakeful hours when I had to wait for him to come home at night but having proved that he doesn’t drink nor do drugs or chase after ill- repute women, I slept soundly at night knowing that his protection lay in God’s hands.

One day, the bombshell has been dropped unexpectedly. He said he was moving overseas. I struggled at night and woke up with my heart breaking. How can he do this to us? The point is that my child is going overseas, and it feels scarier to me than a weekend trip with his friends. But the prospect of days of no contact with him fills me with trepidation. I realised that I have been experiencing separation anxiety. Who is going to make sure he eats? Who is going to wash and fold his clothes? Who is going to look after him when he gets sick? Oh Lord, I pray, get me out of this pit of misery.

Few days after Christmas, he left the country. On the way home from the airport, I felt that my heart would burst. Finally, the dam broke and all I can do is cry. Everything at home reminded me of him. My husband held me tight, asking me to let go. It hasn’t been easy.

But keeping myself busy at work has eased the pain. But as soon as I get home with no one to hug and open the door for me, the longing lingers as I stare at his picture and whisper, “I miss you.”

I do need to let him go. I cannot hold on to my son selfishly. The art of mothering is teaching your children the art of living on their own someday. When we refuse to let go, we prevent our children from learning the skills they need to be successful in life. We hinder their growth into adulthood.

My husband and I have become one of the empty-nesters household. I asked myself, have I lost my purpose? Is this it? Somehow, I felt that I am no longer a mother in an instant. It’s a grief we must walk through to reap the rewards of a new level of relationship with our adult children. True, that I miss him every day when the sun rises and sets. I worry when he doesn’t respond to my messages. It’s a stab in my heart.

Although we still longed for him, my husband and I found a way to rekindle our relationship and deepen our connection. There have been many cases of spouses divorcing when adult kids leave their homes as they are only the reason the couple stay together. But in our case, the need to explore new things is a welcome change.

Our identity can be so wrapped up in our children that we forget who we are in Jesus Christ and that He is in control. And so here I am, surrendering this season in my life to Him– “The eternal God is my dwelling place, and underneath are His everlasting arms” (Deuteronomy 33:27). We need to get rooted and stay rooted in the word of God to make it in all the seasons of our lives.

I pray that our son will find his special purpose and calling in his life. May He hunger for God’s word, find joy amid trials and be given a supernatural peace that surpasses understanding.